A letter to my late brother


i can only imagine the sights you see from heaven. the smiles, the tears, the love.

i am writing to you because i feel like we left some things unsaid. 

you never told me how much i would miss you or how much i would long for our family to be whole again. 

when you told me you would be leaving you forgot to mention how easily i would lose my breath the second you left and how i would continue to long for the last moments i had with you. 

before the doctors told you it was over – they had done all they could do – did you know it was coming? had you heard the soft whisper of God in your ear gently say, “its time to come home”? 

i feel so familiar with death yet so far away from it. i know where you are now and that i will see you again but it’s taking forever for those days to come.

we left things unsaid because you left me earlier than expected, your time was up. 

i once heard a wise preacher say that God put us on the earth to do something extraordinary, to follow his voice and go be the light. once we have done that, he calls us home. he then said something that struck my heart like a lightening bolt: some people fullfill God’s destiny earlier than others. you fulfilled the destiny God had for you at a much younger age. i am so proud of that. you did what God had called you to do in 18 years. 

i miss the 18 years i had with you.

i miss you. 



healing is not linear.


loss is a rollercoaster ride.

no matter who you have lost in your life you will hurt.

a good friend who lost her dad told me that she would write letters to him everyday and keep them in a journal as a way of attempting to walk through her grief.

i decided to give it a try because of all the unanswered questions i have that only cooper will be able to answer one day. if you have lost someone, this blog is dedicated to you. take the time to write that person a letter of love.


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