i don’t remember much from the first year of Coop being sick. i only remember super big moments like my high school graduation, Cooper had just been released from the hospital and was in isolation, meaning no one came in our house and Coop didn’t leave unless he was going to the doctors. his immune system was very weak so he could get sick easily, because of this he could not attend my graduation. luckily we had a very close family friend who was able to stay with him and take care of him so that my parents were able to attend the big day.
its situations like this that i look back and try to digest how i was feeling.
because quite honestly even though it was MY graduation day, it was never about me. as a cancer sibling the light is never on you. you are constantly in the shadow of cancer.
the common questions you get asked as a sibling of someone going through cancer are something like,
“hows coop doing?”
“how are your parents?”
“whens his treatment done?”
“does your family need anything?”
“does Coop need anything?”
i was never really asked how i was doing and thats no ones fault, it just wasn’t about me even when i needed it to be. thats one of the sacrifices you make when you try to assemble a puzzle thats not fitting together just right. the puzzle that was our family, all perfect and put together lovely, was suddenly broken. it was ripped apart and all the pieces were spread out unevenly. all six of us desperately trying to figure out how to put it back together all while knowing with everything in us that our puzzle could finish with one less piece.