The beginning

March 29th, 2016 7:10 p.m. 

City of Hope

1500 East Duarte Road Duarte, CA 91010

Patient – Cooper Owen

Room 6237

March 29th, 2016 7:10 P.M.
Cooper would take his last breath.

one. last. breath. one. last. beat. 

and it was all over.

three and a half years gone in a blink of an eye. 

cooper left this world very peaceful, i do not believe he was in pain and i KNOW he wanted to be with Jesus, he told me himself. 

he was at peace and he was healed.

but this is where my life shattered into a million pieces and all while Cooper was at peace, i was broken. and that my friends, the brokenness, is the first step to living a life after loss. you sit in the brokenness that is your life and you try to comprehend how to mourn. not only how to mourn the person you just lost but how to mourn the person you were before the loss.

after you lose someone you go through a transition where you’re completely lost you have no idea who you are or where to go. 

i lost someone at 20, an age where you already have no idea what you want or who you are, i was just discovering life all the while i was learning what it’s like to lose life itself. how do you figure out who you are, what you want out of life, AND that life is precious in the matter of months? you don’t. 

see, i spent the first year of grief attempting to figure out the meaning of life and the meaning of death.

i attempted to plan my whole life out so that the anxiety of the unknown would go away. 

and while i was doing that, life was passing me by, i wasn’t living i was planning. 

losing cooper is the hardest thing i have ever gone through.

losing cooper is the hardest thing i am CURRENTLY going through. 

the pain of losing him and the 3 1/2 years that we went through in order to try to save his life still haunt me every day.

but, struggle breeds greatness. 

i will struggle every day for the rest of my life but it is only making me greater. it is only making me stronger.

so if you’re struggling with the fact that you’re struggling, take a second and accept the fact that life is hard and the things that make life hard are the things that are shaping you into who you will become.


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