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Ashes Ashes we all fall down

I picked out a necklace that holds my brothers ashes.
It’s him, inside the necklace, his body.
That’s suppose to make me feel better about the whole “leaving his body at City of Hope” thing right?
Uh. The answer to that is no.

I remember the day the man delivered my brothers body to my house.
He knocked at the door and my mom had to sign for him, just like a package, she signed for my brother ashes.
The strangest moment of my life was being handed a necklace filled with Coopers body (that’s also the strangest sentence I’ve ever written).

What once was a young man filled with joy, passion, and a life full of possibility, was now wrapped around my neck like sand in a jar.
To be honest, I did not like wearing that necklace.
It seemed morbid and wrong to think I was deserving of holding his life around my neck.

As if I wasn’t already broken, receiving Coopers body, his physical being, shattered me.
I questioned every ounce of who I was because I felt a certain obligation to live a life Cooper would be proud of, almost as if I was no longer just living MY life, I was now living life for the BOTH OF US.

And just like the song goes; ashes, ashes, we all fall down.
I fell down.
I was broken.
How do I live a life for me AND for Cooper?
How do I live in such a way that honors my life and the life he lost?

Friends, the answer is in the question.
It’s so simple I couldn’t figure it out.
I LIVE.
I CHOOSE TO DO THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY.
I CHOOSE TO GO TO THE PLACES THAT BRING ME JOY.
Its THAT simple.
I LIVE.

So, I moved to Florida. (and thats a whole other story)
But the point is, I did what I wanted to do to live the life I always dreamed of living.
And guess who came along for the journey?
Cooper.
His ashes.
Him & Me conquering the world.

“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.” – Cicero

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