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Cooper

before we dive into what life after loss looks like i should probably tell you how i got to that place.

january 31st, 2013 

after 2 months of my cooper being sick with any cold, flu, or tonsillitis you could think of he would be diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia of the B-cells. i was just starting my second semester of my senior year of high school, i remember the 31st fell on a thursday because the next day was the big assembly that i was apart of… 

my parents and cooper had been gone all day when i finally got a text that said “we found out whats wrong with coop, we’ll be home soon”. i remember pacing back and forth through the empty house all by myself conjuring up all the possibilities of what could be wrong. the garage opened and in walked my parents and cooper, who was covered in hospital gear, and their faces red from tears. 

my step dad and coop went into his room to pack as my mom and i stood in the kitchen as she tried to explain to me what was wrong with cooper. i heard “leukemia” and thought “okay well what does that even mean?” and then i heard “blood cancer”. i still hear those words very clearly. i fell to floor immediately, because what else do you do but sob when you find out your 15 year old brother has cancer? immediately a million questions start racing through my mind, why are you packing? who is leaving? is he going to be okay? how long will this go on? will he be super sick? and the big one, will he die?

we went to the hospital where cooper would stay on and off for nearly 6 months. i remember being in the waiting room and having to call my sisters, julia and jenna. i remember julia specifically asking me, “will we be okay”. not will cooper be okay, will WE be okay. thats when i decided it was time to figure out how to be okay under these circumstances. 

january 31st, 2013 the day that changed the entire path of my life.