CONFESSION: I’M NOT A MIND READER

I’ve been challenging myself this week.
The challenge = to recognize I’m not a mindreader.

I know, you’re like WHAT?! Kassidy!!! You can’t read my mind?! I’m mind blown… (insert sarcasm).

But here’s true, I think I can read your mind.
Here’s my example, Sally from down the street texts me to watch her dogs. I respond and say, “Oh Sally I wish I could but I am out of town this week too“. Sally responds and says, “Ok never-mind then.”
OMG CUE MASSIVE PEOPLE PLEASING CHAOS RED ALERT GOING OFF IN KASSIDY’S HEAD BECAUSE I DID NOT READ.. “Ok never-mind then” I READ.. “OK YOU’RE A HORRIBLE FRIEND, I HATE YOU, AND I’M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN”.

And there you have, my wonderful mind reading skills.

But what if I just took Sally for the words she said, not the words I interpreted. How would that change, 1. Our relationship, and 2. My relationship with my head.
See when I attempt to read someones mind, I am causing myself more stress by trying to predict what that person is actually trying to say.
I could save myself so much grief by just accepting what they actually said as truth, and then moving on.

My mind is already filled with a million different anxiety’s and stresses.
Trauma has WIRED my brain to think negatively, to think worst case scenario. But when I recognize that I am not a mind reader, that I am just suppose to take people’s words for what they are actually saying- the pressure is off.

I know I am not the only wanna be mind reader.
I know I’m not the only one trying to interpret other peoples words when in actuality they have already spoke them, there is no mysterious other version of what that person has said- just take them for what they say.
What if we just believe them?
We just choose to let go of our not so real mind reading abilities and hear people out for what they are actually saying instead of what we think they are saying.

What if we believe in other peoples words and choose to silent some of our own?
How could we change the world?
How could we dream bigger dreams?

I peed my pants

When I was little (and by little I mean a freshman in high school), I was TERRIFIED of moths. At one point there was a moth upstairs and there are only two bedrooms upstairs, mine and my sister Julia’s. So as I got Julia to attempt to kill the moth, it some how flew near me and I peed my pants.
No, I am not lying, I peed my pants because of a moth.

I was so petrified over that little guy that I urinated all over myself and the ground. Why in the world am I telling you this?
Because when I think back on that moment the truth is that fear brought me to peeing my pants. I was SO scared I could no longer control my bodily fluids… WOW.

Now I am at a spot in my life where if the thing I am chasing is not making me want to pee my pants, I am not chasing big enough dreams.
My whole life I was scared of moths, I let them torture me.
My whole life I was also scared of chasing my dreams, they tortured me in different ways. I would sit on the edge of what I thought would be a great idea and then I would talk myself out of it.

Do you ever feel like you’re dangling on the edge of something great?
But of course you’re not sure if it’s going to be great… or suck.

GRACIOUS & GRATEFUL THE SHOP

2020 is around the corner and I’ve got some big goals I’m THINKING of adding to my list. But if I’m honest, I’m scared- super scared. What if I don’t achieve the goals? What if they are TOO big?

Then I stop myself and try to remember, at the beginning of 2018 I wrote down I would figure out how to move across the county… and CHECK!
2019, I wrote down I would run a 10K after never running a mile in my life… and CHECK!
I’ve checked off every scary, pee my pants type of fear, I’ve ever wrote down on my New Years list… so if I’m going to the next level, what’s the difference? If I can do ALL those other things, why can’t I do the next thing that’s on my heart?

The only thing stopping me is me.
The only thing that is creating fear in me, is ME choosing doubt.

I have some LARGE, scary dreams I am going to accomplish in 2020.
But the first dream is choosing to believe in myself– choosing to set aside fear, be brave, and BELIVE that I can accomplish anything.

Because at the end of the day,
I am already a boss.
I am already a business OWNER.
I am already a runner.
I am already a great writer.
So I am already going to be great at whatever I accomplish next.

I’m not sure where I learned this concept but it’s stuck with me, “The only person who will believe in your dreams as much as you do, is YOU.”
No one, not your person, not your boyfriend, not even your parents- understand the thing that lights YOUR soul on fire. Only YOU will be able to remind yourself WHY you’re doing the thing your doing every day. Only you will be able to commit to chasing that dream every single day.

I’m dangling on the edge of something great, are you?
I’m going to accomplish that something great whether it’s today or next week or next year, are you?
Are you choosing to chase a dream that makes you wanna pee a little?

See it’s funny, the moth use to chase me and then I would pee my pants.
But now, I chase the moth HOPING I pee my pants a little.
Because peeing my pants only means I did the thing that scared me.
I conquered fear.
I crushed Goliath with a pebble.
I caught the moth.

Note To Self

Today I am having a bad day.

Waking up is hard- I do my absolute best to choose the day ahead of me but being completely transparent, sometimes I let the day choose me. I let the depression win, I let the anxiety take over, and I decide to surrender to all the pain that is, mental illness.

Then, the guilt sets in. Which for me, is the worst part- I feel guilty for feeling my mental illness, like it’s not a real illness. I think this guilt stems from being surrounded by a physical illness like cancer for a portion of my life. I have this lie in my head that I tell myself, “You’re not really sick unless the blood test shows you that you are.” It is a lie I’ve convinced myself of and even as I type it I know it sounds ridiculous. But for so long I had convinced myself that Cooper’s cancer was of more importance than my mental health would ever be. That because it was cancer, I could never compete unless I too, had cancer. No illness, especially no mental illness, was of enough importance to admit it was a problem.
I know where this lie stems from, it stems from a long line of feeling like if it wasn’t cancer it wasn’t a big enough problem to address. See, when you’re a sibling of someone with cancer, someone dying of cancer. You make your problems small. You convince yourself that your problems are not as big as cancer so they do not matter.
The problem with this is, you cannot undo the mess you’ve create in your mind- it follows you.
So now, years after cancer has left my life and Cooper has left this world- I still believe my illness is not valid. I still have to convince myself that if I am having an off day I can rest my mind and my heart.

But let me tell you what cancer and mental illness have in common.
They can both kill you.

So I am writing this, a note to myself, that just like cancer feasting at the bodies every healthy cell, my mental illness is doing the same thing.
And if ignored, my mental illness will take hold of every healthy cell, and kill it off just like cancer.
Cancer and mental illness are not far off from each other.
It’s just how you choose to look at it.

Maybe today you too need to be reminded that whatever you’re dealing with is just as important as cancer, or a heart attack, or a paper cut. Do not weigh YOUR struggles against someone else’s. Everyone is hurting, everyone is struggling, whether physical or mental, illness is real.

If I could go back and tell Kassidy something in January of 2013, a few short weeks before Cooper would be diagnosed with cancer, I would tell her two things.
Never feel guilty for what you’re feeling- mental or physical.
Your pain is important.

Even though we can’t go back, we can go forward.
I can tell Kassidy today and Kassidy tomorrow those same words.
I can work through the guilt of feeling like my illness is not enough compared to others.
And maybe you need to work through that guilt too. Whether you’re a cancer sibling or a mom who puts her child’s needs before her own.
We all struggle with this, so lets say it together…

“Never feel guilty for what you’re feeling- mental or physical.
Your pain is important”

To My Gracious & Grateful Community,
I want to remind you-
You are loved.
You are enough.
You are important.
You are needed.
Tomorrow needs you.

xoxo,
Kassidy

The dress

When I saw this dreamy dress, I just knew I had to add it to my shop!
It’s flowy, can be worn on or off the shoulders, and is extremely comfortable! All my requirements when looking for the perfect brunch dress! I wore this dress to a blogger brunch I attended and the benefit to the dress being so flowy? I could eat more food! haha!

I paired the dress with some adorable tassel earrings, you can find similar ones in my shop, and a cute wrap around sandals.

Ruffle Trim Dress

Boho Long Tassel Earrings

Tie Up Ankle Strap Flat Sandals for Women

*Please be advised that Gracious & Grateful The Shop has a shipment duration of about 2 weeks. To make sure your packages arrive on time please account for the shipping time*

Is perfection really freedom?

Sometimes I get anxious to write my blogs. Not because of my anxiety but because of my fear that they will lack perfection.

There is probably something in your life that creates anxious feelings within your body- mostly because you’re craving perfection.

Here’s an unpopular thing to say as a bloggerI don’t have an answer for you about perfection. lol – no but really, blogs were designed to help make your life easier. “This recipe will help you make dinner in under 20 minutes!”, “6-pack abs, in 5 minutes or less!”, “Childbirth… it will be easy if you read this blog!”
My blog however, I hope never gives you the answers. I hope my blog leaves you with deep questions that only you can dive in and answer.

So lets tackle perfection- why do we strive for perfection in a world where perfection is unachievable?
Why do we expect perfection when it’s physically impossible to be perfect?

per·fec·tion/pərˈfekSH(ə)n/

  1. the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.

The definition of perfection is interesting because it is described as being ‘free’ of all defects. But I do not believe that NOT having defects will allow you to be free. If I lived a “perfect” life that had no flaws- a story that didn’t involve my brother dying and running for my life in a shooting- I would not be free, I would be shackled. I would be restrained to a life without lessons.

A life without lessons, is not a free life- it is a broken life.

A life full of lessons is a life well spent- it is a life full of stories that taught you and allowed you to grow.
I would choose growth over perfection every time.

Every time I choose to open my computer and write, I am allowing myself to grow. To grow as a writer, a blogger, and as a person.
And every time I write a blog that is not perfect, I am freed.
Freed of the very thing that causes me to grow.

I am grateful that I am not perfect.
I am grateful that I am incapable of writing a perfect blog post, or a perfect Instagram post, or buying the perfect items for my shop.
I am grateful that every time I choose to be imperfect, I am choosing to allow myself to be free.

What things in your life are you forcing to be perfect, when you could allow yourself to instead- be free?

This Monday, I ask you to free yourself.
It’s going to be a challenge, because if you’re anything like me you have several things you try to be perfect at- but just remember, a perfect life is a life without experience, without joy, without adventure.
A life tethered to perfection, and one I personally, do not want to live.

How will you choose to be free today?

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